Into the Valley of Depression

Depression stinks.  It is horrid, awful, insideous and soul breaking.  And I've dealt with the effects of depression for many years.  I've never really come out and said publicly that I have ongoing depression - except to a few close friends.  But more and more my heart has been telling me to sit down and write a blog post about depression - the life stealer.

First of all, I would like for you who are reading this, to imagine the following scenerio.  The alarm clock rings.  You whomp snooze and go back to sleep.  It rings again, you snooze it again.  Then it rings and you KNOW you have to get up, but your body will not obey you.  All of a sudden, it feels like someone is sitting on your chest that weighs 500 pounds.  You can't breathe, you feel tears forming in your eyes, and this feeling of total helplessness settles over you like a cloud. Sometimes, it feels like your heart will stop beating.   At this point - you have two choices.  Get your butt out of bed, and MAKE yourself function, or stay in bed all day.  I've had more mornings than I can count where this exact same scene happens in my bedroom.  With the help of medication, and will power, I make myself get up.  I might cry all the way through morning preparations - while I'm showering, while I'm brushing my teeth, while I'm fixing my hair.  I DRAG myself to the car - lecturing myself the entire way - and make my way to school.  I've cried all the way to school, I have sort of daze driven myself to school, and I have had all sorts of bad things run through my mind as I drive to work.  But the alternative is staying in bed - which will make my depression much much worse. 

This is just a TINY part of depression.  I was diagnosed with depression 17 years ago after our car accident.  It stemmed from the horrible realization that I now had a paralyzed husband to take care of, I was still injured and in pain for months, and I was lost in a sea of wheelchairs, rehab, equipment, complete and total bewilderment about where I found myself.  The depression hit me like a mack truck.  I was blessed with friends I worked with that saw me around school, looked at my face, and just grabbed me and gave me a hug.  I finally realized that I was not going to get better without help.  So I got medicine.  I cannot adequately tell you what that medicine did for me.  It was like coming out of a black, dark, horrible pit into the sunshine of life.  The emotional pain healed along with my body, and my depression healed little by little.  It gave me my life back - which truly is an understatement!  I remember telling my doctor how wonderful it was to smile again - and he replied that it was wonderful to SEE me smile again. 

Somehow, my family has been "blessed" with inherited depression.  It comes from my mom's side of the family.  I am not sure if it was from my Grandma's side or my grandpa's side.  Without giving names which would invade the privacy of my family members, I can tell you that in my immediate family, there are 5 of us with depression.  My mom was one of them but she has passed away.  I have a feeling, and I've heard from relatives, that some of my cousins, and my aunts have also had their share of the "inherited" depression.  I've read a little about their struggle on Facebook, and feel their hurt and pain.

Depression affects people differently.  Take food for instance.  Some people who are in a depression will eat anything and everything that is edible and in the house.  Some people quit eating because they can't stomach food - and they lose lots of weight.  I've had both kinds.  The sad thing is that years and years ago - doctors had no idea how to treat depression.  They called it "anxiety" or "nerves" and wound up giving people pills like valium - which is the very last thing a person with depression should take. It depresses the body systems even more.   I've been there also.  I lost 20 pounds.  Sometimes I didn't eat for days.  My husband would tell me to eat - that I hadn't eaten in days.  I'd look at him blankly, eat a little and fall back into the pit of hell.  My depression now causes me to eat, and eat, and eat and eat some more.  I even eat things that I normally wouldn't eat for a snack - because it is there!  Probably because my heart and my head feel so bad that I want comfort - and I grab comfort in food.  So I have been on the opposite ends of the spectrum.  I expect that I will be fighting weight gain from depression eating for the rest of my life. 

Another nasty thing about depression is that it is so freaking sneaky.  You can be just bopping along just fine, and BAM - the depressions slaps you down and down and down.  Most of the time now, I feel it starting and know that in order to survive, I have to busy myself with anything and everything or I will be at the bottom of the pit.  Reading is one escape, mindless puttering is another.  Sometimes hubby almost drags me into the van and we drive to another city to shop.

 The other sneaky nasty thing about depression is that winter and long dark days make it 10 times worse. Lots of people get this during the winter months.  If you live in the far northern part of the US or Canada, you may only have daylight until 4:00.  That makes it extremely hard to get the sun that your body needs to fight off depression.  Summer is great for me because I get the sunshine I need to additionally fight depression.  I feel wonderful!!!  BUT during the winter, I am rarely outside at all before it is pitch black.  Then that sneaky seasonal depression sneaks in and smacks me again.  I have to make myself do stuff - and my husband knows when he needs to get me out of the house for a meal, or a drive.  The odd thing is that I function just fine at school where I teach.  I am busy, I have 22 kids needing my attention - isn't time to dwell on anything but them!  But then I go home.  Things slow down.  It is dark and cold during fall and winter.  And that is when the depression makes a sneak attack again and again.  And all of this is while I am taking anti-depressants!

I've heard every joke I think there is about Prozac.  Luckily, there are all kinds of depression meds on the market today - including Prozac!  :)  I've changed my meds twice when one doesn't seem to work anymore.  Someone who laughs about depression hasn't been there or they would shut up!  You can't just WISH it away or I would have already.  You can get help from a therapist if that is your thing, but to truly get better, most of us have to have medicine.  Depression is really a chemical imbalance in your body.  The depression medicine helps to sort all those chemicals out so you are semi-balanced again.

How does depression affect your family?  I should have my husband answer that because he's been through two chunks of my life where I've had depression.  Sometimes he will hold me, sometimes he argues with me because he knows if I get mad, I usually snap out of it.  Sometimes he plans stuff.  Sometimes he knows that he better just leave me alone if he wants to live another day.  That's another nasty thing about depression - it can send you into the most God awful rages you have ever seen.  Over any tiny little thing - a wrong word, something not done right, etc. etc. 

I can tell you also, that having family member with this awful disease - it hurts and it hurts bad.  My mom had depression so severely, that for months she would sit like a zombie in her chair.  My dad was beside himself not knowing how to help her. It almost killed me - watching my mom just sit there like a zombie - no conversation or anything.  It was awful, awful, awful!!!  We finally did get the right medicine for her so she could function again and be my mom.  She continued to take anti-depressants for the last 30 years of her life.

 I've got other people I love with all my heart that struggle on a daily basis with depression.  There is nothing worse than the helplessness you feel when you can't fix it for someone you love.  And in my case, that adds to my depression and makes it worse.  But you still hang in there.  You love them, you accept what they can give you, you poke and prod them to get help, you cry with them, you yell at them to get better, and then you all cry some more.  I honestly do not know how my husband put up with me when I had depression so badly in the early 70's.  There was no depression medicine on the market - and the meds that most doctors gave just made the depression worse.  I've lost huge chunks of time out of my life that I don't remember at all.  But he loved me, he stayed there with me, reminded me to eat, or shower or get dressed UNTIL my doctor finally chewed me up one side and down the other - which finally was like a slap in the face - that I needed to get on with my life.  That I couldn't keep pouring more and more medicine down my throat!  (ironically again, the medicine I kept taking made it worse and worse.)  I did, I made it without depression medicine - but I certainly didn't ever take Valium again!!!  If they had depression medicine back then, I would have been first in line.

Depression won't go away.  You can't talk it away.  You can't push it away.  You can't fool it.  You can't run from it and you cannot hide from it.  What you can do is make the choices that will help you get better.  Surround yourself with people who love you and support you.  Get medicine that will help your body balance again.  Talk to a therapist if you need to.  Keep yourself as busy as you can.  Above all else - believe in yourself.  Trust me - it can be a LONG dark and scary road out of the pits of depression - but you can do it.  I did it twice.  Will I always take anti-depressant meds?  Yep - for the rest of my life!  But if that is what it takes so I can function normally, enjoy my life, have fun, travel and spoil my grandkids - then that is exactly what I will do.  Life is way too precious to do otherwise!

Nurse Angels

Why this particular subject hit my brain - I do not know.  My brain is NOT like other people's.  I'm always glad that no one can see my weird, crazy, idiotic and fruitcaky dreams.  They would probably put me in a padded cell and throw away the key.

But ......... nurses have been an integral part of our life for the last 16 years, since the car accident in which my husband was paralyzed. After that time, there were broken legs from falling out of his chair, ICU stays with Septicemia and a few times he was within hours of death.  Throughout all of those hospital stays and in home health care, we have encountered MANY nurses.

During my ICU stay after the accident, I had both ICU nurses and then floor nurses.  My granddaughter, DJ, had nurses over a period of 2 years while she battled her auto-immune hepatitis and liver transplant.  So we have seen an abundance of nurses on many many occasions.

Let me tell you - those nurses are the heroes of any hospital.  Yes - the doctors are important (very), but the day to day, hour to hour care is what makes or breaks a person's hospital stay.  I've seen some awful, awful nurses, but I've also seen nurses that cared for their patients with every fiber of their body.   Several incidents stand out that I want to write about further.

One time when Charley was in ICU, his doctor didn't think he would make it through the night.  Those nurses hovered over him like angels - constantly making sure everything was right.  He was on high powered medicine that they needed to wean him off of as soon as possible (no medical degree, just quoting what they said!).  His nurses spent hours lowering the doseage, and watching him like a hawk.  When his stats would drop - they would immediately be at his beside, adjusting his meds.  Eventually, those nurses got him weaned off the high powered meds a day sooner than was thought possible.  They were amazing angels!

Every single time DJ went to Phoenix Children's Hospital, she was surrounded by walking talking, caring angel nurses.  I don't think my vocabulary is adequate to explain how fabulous they were.  Didn't matter what was wrong - they were on it.  They kept her upbeat, encouraged her, talked to her when she was down, explained every detail of what they were doing - and by the end of each stay, they felt like family.  If something beeped from all the zillion tubes they had running into her body, in seconds her room would be filled with angel nurses - coming to the rescue.  One male nurse always took his lunch break with her in her room.  They talked while lunching, and those lunches always lifted D.J.'s spirits. Just literally amazing.

My particular time with nurses had two distinct opposites.  I had the usual birth nurses, and outpatient nurses etc., but the one I remember second most wasn't because she was good.  Quite the opposite.  Evidently I had a minor stroke (think a blood clot dislodged from my hysterectomy), and Charley rushed me to the ER.  I was terrified.  I couldn't speak except for a long drawn-out word that took minutes to even form and force out of my mouth.  I couldn't walk, I couldn't use my arms or hands - I was pretty much helpless.  Did I mention terrified?????  In the ER room, I started crying and one of the nurses literally barked at me and asked why I was crying.  It took forever to get out one word, "Scared!"  She was nasty, told me I had nothing to be scared about, and yelled at me to stop crying.  Later, when I filled out a questionnaire, I mentioned this nurse.  I got a personal phone call from the administrator saying they were glad I had mentioned this matter, and that they had gotten complaints about her before.  So my question is ........ why is she still nursing?  Fire her butt - particularly when she is dealing with ER cases in which the patient is terrified and very sick!

The next two still makes my heart glad after 16 years.  Charley was already in the Mayo hospital in Rochester, Minnesota after the car accident, but I was still in Mason City, Iowa.  I hadn't been cut out of the van in time to go with Charley on the helicopter to Mayo.  In ICU, my nurses were nothing short of spectacular.  I was on high powered pain meds which made me feel like I was going to burst into flames at any moment.  My sweet nurse turned the air down in my room until it was a refrigerator, and then she wore sweaters and sweats to keep herself warm.  When a young smart-ass doctor came in and examined me and was rude, arrogant and heartless, she caught me crying.  I explained, and she marched herself out the door and laid into that doctor like no tomorrow.  I could hear her berating him - about how I was in so much pain, and had such a horrible trauma and I didn't need him treating me like garbage, etc. etc.  At the end of her shift one day, she came in to say goodbye, and told me she was going home to take a HOT bath and have hot chocolate!   Yet she suffered the cold in my room so I would be comfortable.  I will never forget her kindness.

I was finally transferred to a regular hospital room.  The night before I was to leave and go be with Charley in Mayo, everything just piled up on me, and I just lost it. It was late at night, I was still hurting from my injuries, and I was terrified.  I had on earphones and music my brother had bought for me, so I didn't even know I was making any audible noise crying.  The nurse came in, asked me what was wrong, and I let it all spill out.  The terror of having a paralyzed husband, and all that would entail, and still having lots of pain from my own injuries.  She sat on the bed, put her arms around me and rocked me while I cried.  I'm sure she told me I was strong and could do it ...... but what I remember most is her holding me and letting me cry.  Again - a nurse angel that was there at the exact right time.

So if you have or will have a nurse for something, remember this - they are human.  They hurt, breathe, have dreams and live just like we do.  Not in a million years could I EVER be a nurse - so I admire them enormously!  Tell them how wonderful they are, and how much they are appreciated.  It might be the only kind word they have all day.

Thank you Angel nurses all over the US.  Peace and love.

Cherished moments

As I read back over previous blog entries, I realized how lucky I am.  Our life hasn't been easy - and that is probably the understatement of the century.  But along the journey, things happened!  Life happened! And moments came and went that I will cherish forever.  There are so many it was hard to choose which ones to include.  But I have to start somewhere, so here goes.

1.  I was grown with a family when my daddy was taken by ambulance to a Wichita, Kansas hospital for open heart surgery.  Wichita was about 120 miles from their home, and same distance from our home.  Hubby and I went to the hospital for the surgery, and sat with mom for hours and hours while dad had surgery.  Sometime during that tedious long day, my brother and sister arrived from Tacoma, WA and continued the vigil with us.  When daddy was finally in ICU, the nurses said we could go in one at a time.  When it was my sister's turn, she sang for daddy.  Her beautiful voice floated out over that ICU - brought nurses to tears listening to her sing.  She sang his favorite hymn and even after all these years - still gives me goose bumps when I think back to that song.  Daddy said later that he heard her - even tho he wasn't completely awake from the surgery.  Cherished memory.

2.  The next memory I chose was when they put my newborn daughter in my arms, and then 18 months later, put my newborn son in my arms.  The magic of birth, the miracle of life, and the overwhelming feeling of love that just swamped my emotions.  Seeing their daddy with tears of joy in his eyes is something I will never, ever forget.

3.  My cherished moments are all over the place!  My next cherished moment is walking into my Grandma Noe's kitchen, and smelling the fresh bread, just out of the oven.  I'm sure all of us kids were looking at that bread and drooling.  My precious little grandma would just give a belly laugh, and then get out the butter and feed us hot bread right out of the oven.  My mouth is salivating as I type!  :)

4.  The next cherished moment came when I realized that I loved my boyfriend - now husband -  44 years ago.  He was bringing me back from my home to college in Alva, OK.  I remember the exact spot - going up a hill in Kansas with pastures all around us, music in the car, and me sitting on the arm rest with my then boyfriend's arm around me.  It honestly hit me pretty much like you see in the movies - like somebody smacked me on the head and my heart filled to the brim.  I even started giggling and he wanted to know why.  I told him later that evening that I loved him, and we got married 6 months later.

5.  This is a very weird, cherished moment, but special anyway.  My granddaughter, DJ, had a liver transplant when she was 17 1/2 years old.  Her Godmother donated part of her liver so DJ could live.  Her Godmother was in another hospital, and we waited and waited and waited to hear about her surgery.  Doctors couldn't even open DJ up until they knew the new liver was viable and at our hospital.  I will never forget the joy that flooded my heart when the nurse came running out to the waiting room and with great joy said, "The liver is in the building!"  Wow. 

6.  The last moment for this particular entry in my blog was in 1997.  I returned to school at age 42 to get my teaching degree.  It was really hard, learning how to study all over again.  Had one year of college at 18 and got married so I hadn't studied for years!.  Lots of homework, incredible long hours, typing until I felt my fingers were going to bleed, having a foster child come to us in the middle of finals.   Student teaching with a wonderful lady who became my lifelong friend.  When I walked across the stage to get my diploma, I honestly felt like I could float across the stage and yet I felt like I couldn't breathe!  The president of the college grinned and said as he gave me my diploma, "Been a long time coming, huh?"  I laughed outloud and said, "Yes!"  Hearing my family scream and cheer in the audience was amazing.  I did it - I was a college grad, soon to be a teacher. 

I can guarantee there are way more cherished moments.  I expect I will write about more someday. 

Memories and cherished moments are what keep us going.  We look to the future, but the past is what keeps us grounded.  Live in the present, prepare for the future, and always remember the past.  Life is a huge series of precious moments!

Change someone's life!

How many of you reading this have influenced someone in your life - and then found out about it later?  I expect lots and lots of us have influenced lives and we never have a clue!

For some reason, that is where my busy mind has wandered lately.  I have one of those minds that NEVER shut up.  I wish sometimes I could just flip a switch and it would shut down.  But guess that is the way I was wired so I deal with it.  But I have gotten off the subject.  As my mind wandered, I started remembering ways that I have influenced people around me without any intention whatsoever or in ways that people have influenced me - and probably none of them knew it.

Today, I was thinking about a young man - probably in his early 20's - that told me I had saved his life.  I had no idea nor intention of doing any such thing - I was doing an assignment for school.  I went back to college to get my teaching degree at the ripe old age of 42.  The university I went to was fairly small so I spent two summers picking up courses I couldn't get any other way.  One course was a 140 mile round trip commute to another small city to get my course on Teaching Exceptional Children.  Our assignment was to come up with a lesson on some facet of special needs/gifted/exceptional children.  I chose ADHD.  Probably because I have ADHD but have learned how to cope with it as an adult.  

I taught my lesson with the help of a couple of my classmates.  I taught the lesson and told my class I was giving them a test.  I enlisted two classmates to shuffle their feet, cough, open cough drop boxes, rattle paper, tap feet while the test was being taken.  In addition, the floor was wood, and I had on sandals that really made noise walking on that floor.  I started the test, and my cohorts went into action.  I walked up and down the aisles pretending to check on their progress, making sure I clacked my sandals a lot. They coughed, rattled their cough drop boxes, shuffled their feet, etc.   When I finished, I told the class that the test was just a ruse.  I asked them how many of them were bothered by the noise in the classroom.  Almost everyone looked at me like I was nuts - and said, "What noise?"

Except for the young man I mentioned earlier.  He raised his hand and said we about drove him crazy.  He was ready to jump out of his seat.  I finished by explaining that is what people with ADHD experience - noise bothers them, they are fidgeting, can't settle down, mind is always racing.  My teacher then took over and we all listened as this poor young man told us he hadn't slept in months, could not focus on anything, couldn't keep a job, etc.  Absolute classic case!  Our teacher counseled with him, told him to get himself to a doctor immediately, and then we dismissed class.

A couple weeks later, in class, the young man thanked me.  Said I saved his life.  He had listened to the teacher, gone to the doctor, got meds, and slept for the first time in months.  He was able to study, to do things he never could before - it was as if that kid had been born all over.

I did not start out to change his life.  I'm glad though, that I did because it made me keenly aware of students in my class who have had ADHD. I was able to give them coping skills to combat ADHD.  Some had meds, some did not.  I learned that caffeine helps those ADHD students a LOT!  I gave one student a mini Coke every day after lunch (with permission of all involved), and he was able to maintain the rest of the afternoon.  Before that, he was unable to do maintain and focus when  his Tourettes and his ADHD kicked in. He was very unhappy and lost.  I was able to help him - all because I taught a lesson that I was assigned in college. I learned a lot from that lesson and have used it consistently during my teaching career.

I've had students write letters to me, and parents write letters to me about how I helped and influenced their child.  In those instances, I did try to influence them - I used every trick I knew to help them become successful.  I treasure all those letters.  I treasure the times I meet former students around town, and they introduce me as the "best Teacher ever".  

You never, ever know who you will come in contact with that might be influenced by what you say or what you do.  It might just be the one thing that will save a life, will change a course of destruction for that person, will convince them to get help, or to change the way they think. 

Every person we meet in our life is a chance to influence them for the better.  Whether we consciously set out to influence them, or we just influence them because we have been kind and have stopped to listen - the end result is a better world for everybody - one person at a time.

Teacherism - a part of the "ism" politics!

Teacherism:  A teacher was given a herd of 20 cows.  All she was required to do was take care of the cows and be sure they gave milk.  First week, all things went well.

 Second week, two of the cows didn't come back to the barn.  She searched all over, and finally the cows came home.  They were beat up and dirty and they gave no milk for days.  She worked with them tirelessly - at times forgetting to milk her other cows.  Finally the wayward cows gave milk.  Not as much as the other cows, but still gave milk.

 The government inspector came to view her cows.  The inspector reprimanded her for forgetting to milk the other cows while taking care of the wayward cows.  Then he asked her how many cows were giving chocolate milk.  She looked at him like he had lost his mind.  None give chocolate milk she told him.  "Then we are cutting your milk subsidy because you have no chocolate milk." She was incredulous but continued to do her best. She needed the money from the milk to support her family. Then horror -three of the cows got sick. She spent hours nursing them back to health, while continuing to milk the other cows, and inspecting the wayward cows bruises and cuts to be sure they healed.

 A few weeks later, the inspector came again.  He asked her why the cows were not hooking up the milking machines themselves.  Flabbergasted, she asked him why they needed to do that.  Inspector replied - because that is the regulations for the cow/milk industry.  He turned and drove away in his beautiful, fully equipped bright red Lexus.  Again, shaking her head, the teacher tried and tried to teach those poor cows to hook up their own milking machine.  She begged the chocolate cow percentage to please, please give chocolate milk.  She kept hunting for those cows who continually failed to show up at the barn.  She spent hours in the barn taking care of those cows and gathering milk.  When her cows got sick, she was in the barn nearly 24/7 to fix them up.  She was exhausted.

Again, the inspector showed up.  He was furious.  "What are you doing?  You have FAILED to produce chocolate milk.  You have cows continually getting out and getting bruised up and hurt.  You have NO cows that can hook up themselves to the milking machine.  You have sick cows.  You are a total failure. We don't care that you have milk to sell - because you didn't follow every regulation.  We are completely cutting your subsidy, and you get half the price for milk as other producers." 

The LAST time the inspector showed up, he found an empty barn, cows wandering aimlessly around the pasture, hurting, bruised, beat up, and ready to be milked - but no one to milk them.  The inspector turned around quickly, made his way back to his office and wrote yet another law:  No cows shall be turned out to fend for themselves.  The End.

Friends make the world go around!

Thanks to playing with a friend a couple weekends ago, I've been on a friend "kick!"  (playing as in talking nonstop for an hour while we were supposed to be playing the slots at a casino - hehe!)   It started the wheels spinning (although a bit sluggish in this cold weather), and this question just popped into my head.  Are there different kinds of friends?  Are there levels of friendships?  Can you put your friends into "friend categories?"  Sometimes my brain is like starting a two cycle engine - it needs a little priming before it begins to spit, sputter, pour out smoke and then settle down to running nicely.  So once the smoke cleared, I decided to see if I could come up with categories for friends.  :)  They really need emoticons on the blog page!!

One part of me is telling me this is just a weird subject, but the other part of me is whispering - try it, see what you come up with!  So I did!

Here are my categories and hopefully, a decent enough definition so you kind of, sort of know what I mean.  Confused yet?  OK - here goes.

Forever and ever friend.  This is a friend that you have known and been friends with for years.  They know all of your history - good and bad.  They know what pushes your buttons, and when they need to clamp their mouth shut and pick a lock!  When you are hurting, they are there - first in line.  Sometimes they have advice, sometimes it's just a hug and sympathy.  Even if you have not visited in person for awhile, when you see each other - it is like yesterday (except that usually you talk, and talk, and talk until husbands roll their eyes at you)! Secrets are safe with these friends.  These types of friends are to be cherished forever and ever. Very little, if anything can ruin this friendship - because it is important enough to nurture the relationship until the end of time!

Frenemies:  Hmmmm - I guess I would call this a friend who has for one reason or the other become an enemy - figuratively or literally.  I've heard it said that love and hate go hand in hand - so I guess this might explain how close friends can become angry at each other, and become enemies.  Luckily, I don't have any friends in that category (at least if I have, they haven't informed me of that!)

Work friends:  This one was really hard to put into words.  The best I can do is to say that many times you become friends with the people you work with.  It may not ever go beyond the workplace.  You may only be friends AT the workplace for a small time. If they move on, sometimes those friends also move on.  But some workplace friends will remember you- and greet you with a hug and chat whenever your paths cross. I enjoy these friends a lot.  It is fun to meet them around town, be recognized and shoot the breeze for awhile with them - even if it has been years since you worked together!

Moved on friends:  I think this mostly happens with friends you make in early youth - say elementary and high school.  When there are 20, 30, or 40 years of living that has passed by, it is really hard to recapture that feeling you once had. They aren't enemies - just friends that have gone on totally different paths.  You may meet, thinking you will fall right back into the pattern of your youth, only to find that there is nothing that draws you to each other anymore.  They become a really good memory of our childhood!

Internet friends:  I am chuckling as I type - because I was very, very skeptical of FB when I first started lurking in the shadows - reading posts, accepting friend requests.  Now it is such a special part of my life, that it fills me with joy!  I have been able to keep up with friends' lives through internet, that would not have happened any other way.  I've made new friends through the internet/FB.  I have friends on FB that I have never met - but I hope to someday.  Somehow, on FB, defenses come down and you can see into a person's life better than you might have, if you had met on a street somewhere!

Soul Friends:  Hardest by far for me to describe. Someone who touches your life and your soul in ways that you could never have imagined.  They go deep, deep into your innermost being, and will stay there forever.  These friends help you with the deepest hurts, the darkest parts of your life, but also revel in joy - whether yours or theirs.  Sometimes I feel these friends were put specially on earth for you!  (well, maybe not exclusively for you, but I think you get the idea).  As one of my soul friends says:  How can you know joy if you have never known pain?  Spot on!

Multicategory:  Wow - this one takes a little from most of these - except of course - the frenemies, or the moved on friends.  They may be a soul friend that you keep in touch with by FB or other internet.  They may be a work friend also, one that goes so far beyond a workplace friend, that you have become deep friends. Some may be your forever and ever friend - depending upon the circumstances that enter your lives.

OK - there you have it.  The engine is running out of gas!  Besides, I am smelling the pizza my husband had in the oven and I am starving!  So my friends - thank you for being there for me in all different kinds of way.  I am blessed to call you my friends.

I dream of a day .......

I write this with sincere apologies to Martin Luther King – because he was a great, great man. My dream is of a day when education is valued by all.
 

 I dream of a day when children are allowed to play, skip, hop, jump and be children until they are 5 or 6 – not in school at 3 or 4 YOA. 

I dream of a day when excessive testing is dumped where it should be dumped – in the toilet.  I dream of a day when I can teach the way I should – to excite children’s imaginations, to let them puzzle through problems, to use a “teaching” moment to go deeper into life – and not just use a worksheet to satisfy the directive for two grades per subject,  per week. 

I dream of a time when teachers are seen as one of the most valuable professions in the world, instead of being derided, yelled at, evaluated to death, professionally developed to death, meetinged to death and threatened.

I also dream about being able to teach without consulting a volume of rules and regulations – to be sure I am not breaking a directive from the higher ups.  I don’t want to have to stop and think about every word I say, every test I give, every discussion I have – to be sure I don’t offend someone in higher authority

I dream of a nation that will embrace cooperativeness in learning, logic in learning, ingenuity in learning, constructivism in learning – rather than testing for the test and teaching to that test all year. I dream of a day when I don’t have children who lay their heads down on their desk and sob because of the testing pressure. 

I dream of a Congress that can work together and pass funding bills for education. I dream of a Congress that will set an example for the children of the US and stop their fighting, because children are as sick of their fighting as adults are.  I dream of a president who actually knows what it is like to be in the trenches in a classroom, and doesn’t think that education can be fixed with more rules and more directives and more testing. 

I dream of a time when a whole year of learning is celebrated – not because of a test score, but because the kids have loved school and learned!   

I dream of a time when I can actually --- TEACH.  Not practice tests, not benchmark tests, not the latest from the State Board of Education, not pull out programs, not so many other subjects required so that actual teaching has shrunk to roughly 4 ½ hours out of a 7 hour day.  Think of the places our children could go – with more time to let them explore and learn. 

I dream of a day that I can wear comfortable clothes, so I can get down on the floor with my students, and get messy in science. I dream of a day when I no longer have to work 12 hours day and/or 65 hour per week, including weekends!  I dream of a day when my paycheck goes to my family, not for buying supplies after supplies after supplies for the classroom. 

This is my dream.  I love teaching with every fiber of my soul – but it is time to stop the insanity that is the US educational system. It isn't going to get better.  It will get worse!!  These are children, my friends – CHILDREN!  Not robots, not Chinese, not Korean, not Japanese – AMERICAN CHILDREN.  I do NOT care what other countries do!  That is their business.  Our business is to open the minds of American children and get them excited about learning once again!

#i'mtired
#childrenarethesoulsofAmerica