I always forget how LONG it kids take to remember the procedures in the classroom at the first of the year!
I EVEN have it typed and in their binder! BUT then there are those jillion and one little procedures or rules you forget and you teach them as you go -sometimes for 175 days! :)
Here are some things I've said ad nauseum in the first 8 days of school - and will continue for days, weeks, months and possibly the entire year!
1. DO NOT tear out paper from your spiral notebook and turn it in as your assignment with all its raggedy edges! Seriously! I will make a paper airplane out of it and sail it into the trash can. (not really, but they don't know that!)
2. NO NO NO You can't get up and wander around the room, sharpen a pencil or fill up your water bottle while I am teaching! Lightening bolts and thunder will occur in the classroom.
3. CLEAN YOUR DESK - repeated for 175 days - on a daily and sometimes on an hourly basis! (were they raised in a pigpen? I hear my mother in my ear saying - your room is like a pigpen. Clean it up!) Dumping of the entire contents of your desk onto the floor may just occur if it is a "pigpen."
4. Of course you can play games on your Chrome Book while I teach math to everyone else! BUT I can't guarantee your safety come recess time!
5. This one I swear I should record it and just play the recording on a daily, hourly basis. YOU MUST walk in the hall in a single file. You may not touch any other person. You may not talk, whisper, giggle, roll your eyes, dance, hop, run, do spins, jump up and touch the door frames ........ well you get where I'm going with this. (I am rolling my eyes as I type!)
6. YOUR WATER BOTTLE IS NOT A PACIFIER. GET IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND LISTEN TO ME TEACH - PLEASE. If you continue, your water bottle will disappear, never to be found again. The please is sometimes said with a little louder voice - depending upon yow many times you've already told them the exact same thing.
7. You need to use the restroom? THEN QUIT jumping up and down, holding yourself - because that won't get you there any quicker. Maybe try not drinking 4 water bottles full in an hour. (and yes, 5th grade boys still do this)
8. I'm so sorry you have a headache, knee hurting, eyes hurting, fingernails hurting, toenail is ugly, arm has a scrape so tiny - you'd need a microscope to see it. No you don't need an ice pack. No, you don't need to see the nurse. You'll live - I promise! (although your teacher may have a shortened life span from repeating this a thousand times!!)
9. I WILL NOT CALL ON YOU TO ANSWER A QUESTION IF YOU ARE WAVING YOUR HAND LIKE A FLAG IN A HURRICANE, JUMPING UP AND DOWN, AND YELLING AT ME WHILE YOU ARE DOING THE ABOVE. (that one is repeated often) Yep - I know they are excited but - come on!!!!
10. Don't tip your chair back. EVER. It is quite amazing how many times kids fall out of their chair during instruction "on accident" and for absolutely no reason (could it be you are TIPPING your chair?). Four on the floor!
11. If I hear you, or see you, or smell you - then you did it. "I didn't do anything" doesn't work for seasoned teachers. WE KNOW!
12. Phones? Nope! Why? Because I said so. If it rings during class, we will have a moment of silence for the demise of your phone.
13. See me? Teacher? Four years of college? See you - student? You don't get to momma the entire class or tell them what to do. There is always someone in class who would like to teach for me or scold kids or tell them what they THINK that person should do. NOPE! NOPE! Not going to happen.
14. WE DO NOT FART REPEATEDLY IN THE CLASSROOM. IT IS NOT FUNNY. WE DON'T WANT TO SMELL IT (GAG). I always have a student who seemingly cannot control their farts. They bless us with the smell many times a day. I always knew when this happened when I was reading aloud. All of a sudden a whole group of kids would jump to their feet gagging and run away from a particular area. Gross!
15. NO you may not do your assignment in PEN or colored pencil or sharpie or highlighter or crayon. NO - period!
16. Please write your 9's and 4's so I can tell the difference. Otherwise, I will think you are using Russian/Chinese/Japanese numbers and I WILL mark the problem wrong!
17. You are way to young for wine (whine). Don't go there, ever, not a tiny bit, never! Trust me, The end result will be very scary!
AND FINALLY -
18. Yes, I love all of you. Yes, I will keep you safe. Yes, I would give my life to keep you safe. You are my school children and I will keep you in my heart forever!
P.S. I may be retired, but teacher memories never, ever fade!
