NO !!!!!!

I wonder if it is possible for a person's heart to actually shatter or break from emotional pain.  I think mine just did.  I am almost certain that jagged pieces are floating around in my aura, not exactly knowing where to land.

A very close soul friend said to me 13 years ago:  If you don't have pain in your life, how can you experience joy?   I guess that means you have to hurt to know the difference when you have joy. 

Do you believe that your life is preordained from the moment you are born?  Do you think that your destiny is formed the moment you take your first breath?  That question really bothers me.  If that first breath sets your final path into place - then what is the purpose of  ever trying day by day?  If it is not in your destiny, then you won't reach that goal regardless of what you do. 

This would mean that if you were destined for a life of crime, then nothing you ever did for the rest of your life would change that.  If someone precious you love is very sick, and that is their destiny, then they will die regardless of what doctors can do?  I have no answers, even at the ripe old age of 60.  All I have is more questions.

I cannot believe that my life, and the lives of those people that I love more than my own life have already had their destinies predetermined by a higher power.  I refuse to believe that my precious 16 year old granddaughter was predestined at birth to have chronic liver failure and face having a transplant or dying.  Why were doctors given such powerful skills to heal people, if their efforts didn't matter at all?  Why do some people have to go through such pain, tears, anger and sickness while others go unscathed.  Shouldn't the degenerates be the ones to suffer?  Shouldn't the child molestors be the ones to die?  Shouldn't the people who hurt, abuse and kill their children be the ones to suffer every day of their life???

Signing off because I have no answers.  I have to go see if I can find those shattered fragments of my heart floating around and put it back together to face tomorrow.